Saturday, September 27, 2008

Mixed feelings

Today is that kind of days that you want that ends faster. Why? because you feel something in your heart, deep inside. I'm happy because I'm in home. I've cold. I'm leaving things, people, feelings... behind. Why? beacuse this is necesary for me, for my future, for my dreams. I'm excited, I really want to live a lot of new things, for example, I want to see the snow, want to see the the wonders of the world, I want.... pffff so many things...

This give to me a lot of mixed feelings, happiness, sadness, love, lonely.... I think that this is because I'm changing things in my life, I'm focusing in achieve my dreams. Then you have to leave some things, is like when you grew up, you left your toys behind.... I felt this before, but then I didn't have the strength to face it... and I fell... Now is different, I can face them, and go ahead!!!

I cannot be sure if I'm so strong to do it, if not, I will learn a lot of things, in other case I will be happy because the few things that I lived before theached me the important things in life!. Only when you know the important things in life you can face them, listen to your heart, and if the thing is important you can fight for it. It's like Steve Jobs said, "As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle." If I fail, I've to keep looking for it, it could be a job, a friend, love.... whatever it takes, whatever it be, just keep looking...

Friday, September 26, 2008

Close to leave....

I've three days to enjoy home... three days to be in Bogotá... three days to leave.....

It's time to prepare my suitcase, time to pack the gifts, time to say goodbye again.... now, what's different? is not the same story of few months ago?. For me the answer is no, because I'm a different person. Living in home, for two weeks, I discover that I'm a different person, when I left home, eigth months ago, my ID said that I had 22 years, but now I'm convinced that I was 19-20. Now I'm 23, and I feel like a 23 age person :). Now I'm a independent person, that is living his life, that in each step is closer to his dreams. Although I have fears, I've the strength to face them, to solve them. The future is not here yet, the past has gone, the only that we have now is this day.... and I'm going to live each day of my live, always trying to achieve my dreams.

As they said in the AIESEC office, change is the only thing that is permanent. I changed a lot during this months, and I will change more... Talking to friends I realized that I don't want to live a boring life, of course that at some point I will..., get married, have children, work, be older..... etc. That is not bad for me, but now is not the time. Then, what's next? travel, work and study! This is for sure. I want to do that, the next question is: will I do it alone? I hope no. Relationship is something that I don't have clear... months ago I was sure... but A series of Unfortunate events change a lot of things in my life. Hope that when I will be in Santo Domingo again I can resolve my doubts, its really difficult to sleep well when your brain is thinking a lot....

In few days I will be traveling back to my actual home. I hope to be strong to face all the things, to be prepared to fall down, but the most important thing, be prepared to wake up and keep living my life.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Tipos de personas

This post is in spanish because I don't find the correct words in english to say it. I promise that I will translate it! ;)

Mi autor favorito es Gabriel García Márquez, he leido casi todos los libros de el, y me encantan, por todo y por todo. Una de las cosas que me fascinan son las citas, y la idea de esta entrada me llego hoy, en uno de los varios momentos de meditación que tengo en estas mini vacaciones :P. Esta idea se basa en un par de frases que García Márquez plasmo en El Amor en los Tiempos del Cólera. La primera dice algo así: "En este mundo hay dos tipos de personas, las que cagan y las que no".

Esta frase tiene algo más que el significado fisico de la misma. Hoy me di cuenta de eso, analizando el simple hecho de como la gente va al baño en un lugar público. A algunas personas les avergüenza el hecho de hacer su necesidades en sitios públicos. Entre las personas que analice descubri tres tipos:
  1. El que ni intenta ir y simplemente se aguanta.
  2. El que amaga, intenta ir, pero se arrepiente al final.
  3. El que sencillamente va y hace lo que tiene que hacer
Si dejamos de lado el hecho fisico de la frase y leemos los tipos de personas que acabo de listar uno puede relacionarlos con la vida diaria. Hay gente que no se atreve a hacer cosas que realmente necesita hacer, por el miedo al que dirán, por pena, porque no se creen capaces o por el simple hecho de pensar que pueden fracasar no lo hacen. Estos son los que no cagan.

Luego aparecen las personas que se arriesgan, siguen todos los pasos para hacer sus cosas, planean, trazan objetivos, metas, incluso pueden ejecutar partes de su plan de acción, pero cuando llega el momento critico, el punto de no retorno, dejan todo tirado y se retiran, sin siquiera dar la pelea, muy probablemente por las mismas razones de las personas que no cagan, motivo por el cual también van a caer al grupo de las personas que no cagan.

Yo antes era una persona así, soñaba con muchas cosas, alcanzaba a trazar los pasos necesarios para llegar a ellas, pero cuando llegaba el momento cumbre, desistia por el miedo que tenia al fracaso. El miedo a un NO, a perder o a salir herido muchas veces me detuvo, en mi vida personal, porque a nivel profesional actuo de otra manera. Luego de muchas caidas, errores, dolores, aprendi a levantarme, a salir adelante y a darme cuenta que sabiendo que es lo peor que puede pasar, estaría preparado para todo, incluso para lo desconocido, como lo son las cosas del corazón; me di cuenta que vivir pensando en lo que pudo haber sido es lo peor que uno puede vivir.

Luego estan las personas que se arriesgan, que luchan, que siguen sus sueños, que simplemente viven su vida.... Es obvio que todo en la vida tiene un riesgo, desde el simple hecho de cruzar la calle, hasta lo dificil y casi paro cardiaco que puede resultar el robar un beso. Pero este tipo de personas afrontan los riesgos, dispuestos a asumir las consecuencias pero siempre encaminados a lograr sus sueños.

Antes yo era de las personas que orientaba su vida hacia el estudio y hacia las otras personas, muy pocas veces ponia al YO en primer lugar. Ahora, luego de vivir 8 meses solo, aprendi a ser un poco mas egoista, es decir, a pensar mas en mi y dejar un poco de lado el que dirán y el beneficio de los demás. Han sido 8 meses, como dice la canción, de alegrias y profundos desengaños..... en los cuales he crecido mucho, aperendido mil cosas de la vida, aunque siento que aún me quedan otras mil por conocer.

Viviendo estas dos semanas en Bogotá me he dado cuenta de todo eso. Tengo las cosas claras en este momento, en muchos aspectos de mi vida, hay otros en los cuales aún tengo dudas y miedos, pero bueno son aspectos de la vida que siempre estarán así, porque no son decisiones que se tomen solo..... Por estas razones yo puedo categorizarme en la posición de las personas que cagan. Ahora puedo hacer cosas que no podia antes, porque el miedo mas grande que tengo es el de vivir pensando en que hubiera pasado si.... si uno actua siempre sabra la respuesta, que por mala que sea, siempre será mejor que quedarse con la duda.

Dado que este Post esta muy largo, solo me permitiré citar la segunda frase, que luego comentare, ya que a pesar que es similar trae otras implicaciones. La frase anterior era de un Medico, pero su paciente la cambio y dijo "En este mundo hay dos tipos de personas, las que tiran y las que no". Esta también merece un análisis, pero será en una siguiente entrega :P.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Del amor y otros demonios

Ahora entiendo porque García Márquez le dio ese titulo a una de sus obras, no fue para hacer alusión a las supuestas posesiones demoniacas de la niña que solo queria amor.... tal vez lo hizo porque el amor es otra forma de mortificación, que por bueno o malo que sea siempre estará con nosotros.....

Hoy es uno de los días mas melancolicos que he tenido.... las despedidas nunca me gustaron, ahora entiendo porque. A pesar que siento un gran alivio en el pecho, también siento un gran dolor, tal vez es la añoranza de un pasado mejor, el miedo al futuro, la sensacion de soledad o el simple hecho de creer en que así como el azar del destino nos trae cosas buenas, también nos puede mostrar cosas que inebitablemente nos harán sufrir. A pesar de que tengo las cosas claras, me duele lo que se queda atras.... pero la vida es así, a veces los sueños y la distancia pueden más que los destinos que uno se ha trazado...

Permitanme citar a Pedro Calderon de la Barca acerca de lo que es la vida "¿Que es la vida? un frenesí, ¿que es la vida?, una ilusión, una sombra, una ficción, y el mayor bien es pequeño; que toda la vida es sueño y los sueños, sueños son" Esta cita es excelente para expresar lo que siento en este momento. Los sueños y la vida, uno no es nada sin lo otro y viceversa... a veces la vida es solo una ilusión que se nos escapa de las manos.... hoy deje ir una de las ilusiones más grandes que en algún momento tuve en mi vida.... en cierta medida se puede decir que deje ir una parte de mi vida.

Una ilusión que nunca entendi, nunca me di cuenta cuando comenzo, ni como evoluciono, ni como fue cambiando poco a poco mi vida. Solo paso, y doy gracias a Dios por la oportunidad que me dio de haber vivido eso. Todo esto termino en el regalo mas bonito y especial que me hayan podido dar en mucho tiempo, algo que indiscutiblemente tiene algo de mi y de ella, algo que le permitira a la memoria del corazón magnificar las cosas buenas que pasaron, algo que me permitirá seguir adelante sabiendo que siempre estaras en mi.... algo tan simple y hermoso como un osito de peluche!

No esperaba que este osito marcara un hito tan grande en mi vida. En las pocas horas que he estado con el se ha convertido en una parte de mi, ojala pueda conservarlo por muchos años para no olvidar lo que significa para nosotros. Este osito es el simbolo del cambio, del fin pero de la melancolia y añoranza por un pasado excelente. Este osito borra todos los malos recuerdos y problemas que pudieron haber en el pasado, se convierte este entonces en la máxima expresion de una etapa de mi vida y me recordará siempre las decisiones que tome y promesas que voy cumplir.


En este momento solo tengo una palabra para decir: GRACIAS!!!! por todo lo que me diste y lo que me dejaste dar, por cada uno de los segundos que pasamos juntos, por cada una de los días y noches que soñamos juntos, por cada.... mejor dicho por todo :D :D :D.


Ahora que sigue? just achieve my dreams...... siempre viajando con mi osito :) Siempre estaras conmigo, siempre.... ojala la vida misma que nos parece ironica algún día nos de la posibilidad de volver a hablar y poder adelantar cuaderno, compartir nuestras vidas y así darnos cuenta como ha cambiado el mundo desde la última vez que sonreimos juntos.....

Thank you and hope to see you again!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Engineer!!!!!


At least, after more than five years, after a lot of work, after study, after travel more than 1500 Kms...... after all.... now I can say "I am an engineer".... :D :D :D. Engineer at least! For me is unbelievable. Is something that I want to be since I was in high school. When I was a child, I wanted to be a Doctor... then I discovered how to be a Doctor.... I was totally wrong!!!... But I always have been good with maths, physics, computer stuff.... then in a few seconds when I was filling my university application, I decided to study Systems Engineering, it's quite strange that I decided my future in a few seconds..... maybe it happened because you know that you are doing well when your hearth said it! Then five years passed quickly.... five years of work, of nigthers, of learning, of theories, of passion, of friendship, of love! During this five years I grew, now I'm a different person, in the essence I'm the same, I fought to keep my essence ;). But now I'm a mature person, who has a vision of his life... Before I used to live in function of my study and the people who were around me.... Now I think in my dreams, in my future, in me as a person (without selfishness), and of course all the thing that I do are always oriented by the hearth. What's next? hard question.... I don't know..... Work.... just the necesary to apply to a MSc, travel.. for sure :), stay in home... of course not!; maybe one thing is or sure live abroad. I love my country, but its time to me to leave, I'm doing it now, living in Santo Domingo for a year, but I need more, my travel spirit needs more of the world... when I'll be able to come back, my hearth will tell me... but now is not an option to live more than 1 year in Colombia. Now I only want to enjoy my city, my family and friends, then come back to Santo Domingo, decide what is going to happen with me and keep hard working! The future is over there... I just have to catch it and enjoy it!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Full moon


This is one of the most beautiful coincidences, when I left Bogotá, 7 months ago, it was full moon, awsome full moon, now, seven months after, when I was preparing my suitcase to came back, I went to see the sky, the sky in the middle of the dominican night was clear, with stars and a very huge white full moon...... my eyes were teary.....




In that moment I realized the fact that It was a coincidence, a strange and incredible one. The question is do this have a meaning? could be the signal for something? I hope so, this 7 months were amazing, the best experiencie of my life, now I'm here, in home, with a full moon..... It could be the same, If it worked in the past, why not now? I'm sure that this two weeks here are going to be the best! Family, friends, regards, stories, laughter and tears..... I'm really excited to live all this...

The past is gone, the future is not here yet, we only have the present to live, and that's what I going to do now, live!!!! Carpe Diem :P

Saturday, September 13, 2008

So cold, So happy, So home

It's 11:20 pm in Bogotá City, and I'm there!!! :)

I feel a lot of feelings, mixed feelings. I think that I'm leaving behind some things that are hurting me now, but I'm going to live and incredible 2 weeks with all my family and friends. I've a lot of things to do, but I feel that I've all the energy and way to do the things, I want to achieve all my goals, that I defined before come here. I will, but the point is, what's next?. What is going to happen when I leave home?, how will be Sto Domingo?. I will take care about it in a few weeks... now I'm going to enjoy each second of my life in Bogotá.

I am sorprised about how cold is Bogotá, I had forgotten it, I need to refind, to rediscover, to meet again this city :) I will fall in love with this city, that I loved before :) Nothing is write for future, we just have to live each day, and then we will build a very happy future.

See you my blog, I'm going to feel you from Bogotá :D

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Between a Metropoli and Macondo :)

Today I was reading the Dominican Newspaper, as usually, and I found a pretty good article about Bogotá. I want to share this article with everyone, because is something about my city, seen from the eyes of a foreign person.



Just think about a city that is 2600 meters close to the stars, where 8 million people live, that has a structured transportation system, that is cold but warmed by its people, a place where everybody says thank you, a place that has problems, like all the places, but that has the courage to face and solve them, a city that....... I can write a book about Bogotá..... ;)





Now I'm ten days far from Bogotá, I really want to go there, to visit all the places and to buy a lot of things to show to the persons here what we are. I'll miss the Christmas stuff, we always turn on all the lights, all the city is like a huge Christmas tree, we sing, we dance, we pray, we are happy.....




I'm just waiting to live a Dominican, Rumanian, Colombian Christmas :) , to turn on all our best feelings and senses, to believe that we can change, that we are good, that we can dream.... to revive all that good feelings that only Christmas can revive.....

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

In the list!!!

Yesterday was an amazing day!!!! A day between happiness and storms..... All the day was rainy but I recived one of the most important notice in my life.... I'm in the list of people who are going to be a n engineer..... WOW it's Incredible, after more than 5 years of hard work I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. At this point I only have one thing to say.... Thank you!!!! To everybody.... to the people who helped me, to the people who didn't..... to the people who believed and trusted me.... to the ones who didn't...

Whatever, I will say thank you for each one of the persons that direct or indirect participate in my engineer career... I can't wait to come back to Colombia.... hoping that this !"#%$% storms leave me take the plain..... Now I've like mixed feelings... I want to come back to Colombia, to be an engineer, to enjoy my friends... but in the other hand I want to stay here, for some reasons that I will explain after :P....


Hoping that i can go home today without get wet :S......

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Storms and Hurricanes


Pictuare taken from National Hurricane Center http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/

I come from a city that is 2600 meters close to the stars.. :P, that means that my city is so cold and rainy. I'm accustomed to the rain..... and I said, a tropical storm is just rain and wind, form me is OK..... how wrong was it...... As you can see in the picture now close to my new home there are 4 tropical storms!!!!, Gustav was here last week... last nigth Hanna it us... and incredible rain began....

Now we are waiting to Ike, that probably hit us in the weeked..... that's pretty bad because Mali and Raga are coming on sunday..... if there is a storm.... or hurricane..... OMG..... but the Secret is to think that nothing is will to happen :)....

So far I lived here like 3 Tropical Storms... One of that sotrms destroyed my Running tennis.... :(, because one stupid guy in a stupid car lost the control of his car and I had to jump to a dirty pool in order to to avoid being run over by that fu**** car. Then I cannot recover my tennis..... it was like caca..... jejejejeje.

I'm still waiting for an Hurricane..... I hope that it doesn't happen when somebody of my friends or me has to take a plane..... but is like we said in Colombia, Mio Dios no desampara a sus hijos bobos :P

I said good bye now, hoping that nothing wrong with this storms and hurricanes will happen....

Monday, September 1, 2008

Time machine

Hi everybody. This is my first post, lines, thoughts, inspiration stuff.... whatever ;)

Some time I thought about create a blog to post technical stuff, about my job, some results, some solutions..... but I found that the Web is so polluted with this blogs; then I left that idea...

Now, living in Santo Domingo for seven months, I thought about how I will remember my life... Photos!!!! bad idea, actually I don't have a camera...., write a dairy..., i thought that it was for girls.. but I'm a IT person!!!! Why not create a Blog!!!!!!

This is my time machine, my dairy, the way to remember my life in the future.... If my parents buried a metal box with photos, newspapers and stuff of their age, my way to do that is to put all the things that represent me in some period of time over the Web, somewhere in this mad world.... in order to find them up in the future.....

That's the reason of my blog's name, evoking that Iron Maiden album :P.... but it's the true, this blog was created because in a few years i will come somewhere back in time to laugh and cry, remembering my life.... how I realized my stuff, how I grew, how I built my life, how I lived.... how I kept me alive..... everything somewhere back in time..... :)

Pd.

También lo cree para practicar y mejorar mi Inglés jejejejej.... cualquier duda, sugerencia, inquietud o groseria son bien recibidas :D